Found : Funniest Sign Book

I came across this book when I cleaned the book shelve in my house yesterday. Good stuff.

Do You Want to be A Mermaid or A Whale?

Recently, in a large city in  Australia , a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, "This summer, Do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?" A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym. To Whom It May Concern, Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.) They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia , the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia . Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world. Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them ... where is IT? Therefore, they don't have kids either. Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store? The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale. P..S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ¨Good grief, look how smart I am!¨

DS SAMY VELLU who will be always remembered

DS Samy Vellu finally and officially resigned from his post of the longest MIC President ever live, after leading the party for almost 31 years. The Malaysian Insiders has its story, here  . Frankly, I will miss him very much especially for all his funny quotes he made all these years. Like what our Prime Minister said in the 2010 Barisan Nasional Conference, “We will miss DS Samy Vellu because he add a lot of color … sometimes a bit too much color”. Therefore, as a token of appreciation, I just wanna share his famous quotes ever made by the one and only, Samy Vellu.

1. Samy Velu quoted on Pos Laju:
"Besoh kirim, hari ini juga sampai"

2. On one TV news when he tried to say he felt very ashamed:
"Ini prekara sangat memalukan saya dan kemaluan saya sangat-sangat la besar"

3. Samy said in one of his “ceramah”:
"Kita akan bina satu jambatan wuntuk worang2 kampong di sini." Then one pakcik asked, "Datuk, sini takde sungai, buat apa bina jambatan?" And Samy gloriously replied, "Kalao takde sungai, kita bina sungai"

4. Samy's most favourite quote on the news for the decade is this:
"Toll naik sikit, banyak marah saya. You worang ingat semua ini toll saya punyer bapah punya kah!”

5. During water crisis:
"Semua worang diminta jangan membuang aiyerr!"

6. On social society's problem:
"Worang2 muda sekarang banyak suka hisap dade"

7. During blood donation's program at Sungai Siput:
"Marilah kita semua menderma dare"

8. His welcome speech in most of his functions:
"Selamat datang saudara-mara semua" (It should have been “saudara-saudari”)

9. During the height of the Al-Arqam's saga, he said in a press conference:
"Saya gumbira bahawa didapati tiada pemuda MIC terlibat dalam kes Arqam"

10. At an opening ceremony for a new building:
"Mempersilakan Datin Paduka Rafidah Aziz naik dari pentas wuntuk membuka kain"

And of course the world's greatest joke of all times:

"Kita akan bina roket pigi matahari." One of the reporter responded, "Tapi Datuk, matahari terlalu panas untuk didekati." Samy replied, "Itu tade masalah. Kita hantar waktu malam"

There you are folks. For DS Samy Vellu, we wish you all the best!    

Typical Malaysians

Cutting lanes when we're driving.  Mouthing off at other drivers.  Burping durian breath. Keeping our handphones on at the movies and worse, talking really loudly on it.  There's a lot to gripe about when we talk about Malaysians and their bad habits but there's much to make us smile.  Packing a bottle of sambal belacan or bring along some cup noodles every time we go overseas, because foreign fare is unbearably bland.  Recognizing a fellow Malaysian far away from home when we can hear sentences finishing with a "lah".  Bickering among ourselves but sticking up for each other when outsiders criticize us.  Best of all, laughing at ourselves.  In this land where we've lived freely for 53 years, we can all celebrate our Malaysian-ness, because deep down inside, we're all the same.

Eva Mendez 2011 Unofficial Calender